I want queer people to be able to turn on the tv and see themselves.
i want them to be able to watch a shitty romantic comedy with an obvious plot and see themselves, to watch a serious tv show about vampire killing FBI agents and see themselves, to watch a fairytale kid’s movie and see themselves-
i want queer people to count as people outside of shitty, offensive dramas that see queerness as a gate to more drama, something all-defining and life-ruining, written by writers who don’t care enough to learn what’s a stereotype and what’s reality and still want cookies for putting goddamn cardboard cuttouts on their show-
and i want that queerness to be evident and unarguable.
i don’t want shitty backhanded references to a dude’s “friendliness” with his best friend-
i don’t want half-hearted mentions of a main character’s gay friend in an attempt to prove that the character and that the show aren’t homophobic-
I don’t want queerbaiting, that straight viewers can claim was just a joke, because it was, it’s just a joke the show can profit off for “representing” someone they don’t even fucking count as enough of a person to deserve to be treated with respect-
And i want queer ladies and queer dudes and genderqueer queers and i want them to be different races and classes and have different goals and opinions and lifestyles and fashion choices and interests and lives and challenges, because queer people are not one, shitty, poorly done stereotype
I want to count as a fucking person
i want every single queer person to count as a fucking person
a person whose story isn’t a joke, isn’t something to be ashamed of, isn’t something you see once in an afterschool special about not bullying people, until they get “turned straight” or “fixed” or “just hadn’t met the right person” or fucking kill themselves or turn out to be the villain if they “stay queer” because being queer means one has to be ‘punished’ for it-
I want us to fucking count, and i want the media to acknowledge we count.
If people are really going to assume that guys with long hair are gay and girls with short hair are lesbians then I am going to assume that all bald men are actually eagles.
Be a trans* ally & help fight transphobia & cissexism
1. Use the term ‘cisgender’ when referring to non-trans* individuals, rather than transphobic words like “normal,” which imply that trans* individuals are abnormal, weird, ill, or broken.
2. Do not use transphobic slurs, such as “tra-ny” or “shemale.” These words are intended to insult and harm trans* individuals.
3. Always use the name any individual gives you. Do not ask someone what their “real” name is. (Their desired name is their real name.)
4. Always use the desired pronouns of an individual. If you are unsure which pronoun to use, politely and privately ask the individual what their preferred pronouns are.
5. Do not claim someone’s gender identity as false, nonexistent, immoral, or a result of an illness or trauma.
6. Do not ask questions regarding someone’s anatomy, or question if they have transitioned or will be transitioning in the future.
7. Do not ask to see the photographs of a person before they transitioned. Likewise, do not ask invasive, personal questions of a person regarding their life before they transitioned.
8. Never out a trans* individual to others. Likewise, do not ask others if “so-and-so is transgender.”
9. Do not assume an individual’s sexual orientation due to their trans* identity.
I’ve had a lot of comments and responses lately about my “heterophobic” remarks, so here’s kind of response to that.
It’s becoming increasingly clear to me that, though I didn’t think about this at the time, I probably started a blog because I need somewhere to vent my boundless rage that is not random people’s Facebook walls. I mean, one thing among the many thousands of things that are guaranteed to raise my blood pressure is when folks get all “the internet isn’t real, and it’s not a viable platform for communication,” but also like, Facebook fights are dumb, I’m supposed to be an adult now.
So here’s the thing that got me all het up this week: gay marriage.
Specifically, these goddamn things:
My Facebook and G+ newsfeeds have been filled with pink and red lately, so it seemed important to point out to the queer and allied in my life that Human Rights Campaign actually has a track record of promoting some rights at the expense of others. Being a fairly rough-and-tumble sort of cisgender queer man, I waded in.
It’s frankly unconscionable; transgender rights are integral to queer liberation, and moreover transfolks are our sisters and brothers, have shed the same blood, sweat, and tears in horrifying numbers for the same goals. The fact that names like Virginia Prince and Sylvia Rae Rivera aren’t as prominent in our histories as Harvey Milk says, I think, all it needs to about the need for some pink and purple soul-searching. Go forth and introspect.
Visually, too, I think the HRC equality logo leaves a bit to be desired, but I made minimal changes. The colors are based on the transgender pride flag designed by Monica Helms in 1999, the most widely used of several designs and to my eye, the most pleasing.
People need to know that the most visible LGBT “equality” organization out there continues to only fight for gay and lesbian equality at the expense of everyone else.
Trans allies, please repost. (And don’t give money to HRC.)
We’re big supporters of same-sex marriage (as one issue among several other major ones facing queer people these days), but also really disappointed in the Human Rights Campaign for their multiple screw-ups when it comes to trans* issues. All of this is something to think about as, on Facebook anyway, support for same-sex marriage has become synonymous with support for the HRC. You can absolutely support same-sex marriage without supporting the HRC, and there are plenty of other organizations out there who are doing great work for the LGBTQ communities in regard to marriage equality as well as queer homelessness, job discrimination, and anti-bullying that are not throwing trans* people under the bus (GLAAD is an excellent example of one such organization!)
Reblogging for commentary.
Note: This was originally a photo post but I’m so so so so sick of seeing that fucking equals sign everywhere I reblogged as text so it wouldn’t be on my blog.
While I understand the idea of redesigning the logo to be more inclusive, I just don’t like using HRCs logo at all because people who DON’T understand the problems with HRCs campaigning strategies and focuses will probably just think “oh cute! another HRC logo.” I think that to really get out how shitty HRC is/has been about issues within the queer community, and fighting for equality in all aspects of life (and not just marriage for the middle-class white cis gay/lesbian couples out there), we need to not use a logo (even if redesigned) that is clearly associated with an organization that ignores, omits, and disparages important members of the queer community (such as trans* people, such as POC). Of course, I see why people do want to alter it to be more inclusive, but for me, using their logo, even if altering it, is just a bad idea.
I am a therapist who works with [Ed Note: heterosexual &] LGBT individuals and couples. Bisexual issues, in particular, tend to be marginalized. What information is available is full of bias and stigma, so there is a need for positive resources for those in mixed-sexual orientation marriages where one of the partners is bisexual. I hope you find these helpful. ~Betti Schleyer, PhD in Bi Women’s Newsletter: Winter 2013
Positive online discussion groups:
- Alternate Path: an affirming group for women seeking help with finding alternative solutions to divorcing their Bisexual/Gay husband. Provides positive discussions to help wives adjust to the news that their husband is gay/bi.
- Making Mixed Orientation Marriages Work (MMOMW): for straight spouses who are married to gays or bisexuals, and also the married gays and bisexuals themselves. Welcomes all those in this situation no matter how they have decided to deal with this within their own marriage.
- HUGS Couples (Hope Understanding Growth Support): A list for couples of mixed sexual orientation who are working to keep their relationship strong and growing. A positive environment where these couples can express their concerns, share their successes, and give and receive support and encouragement.
- Monogamous Mixed Orientation Marriages (MMOM): a support group for either or both members of a mixed orientation marriage or relationship working to remain monogamous. “Mixed orientation” means that the sexual orientations of the two persons involved do not match. This includes any combination of GLBTQS persons (gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgendered, questioning, straight). “Monogamous” means that the partners are sexually exclusive
Bisexual and Living Fabulous: support for bisexuals and those who love them - Positive Website for bisexuals. Includes a discussion site for those in Mixed Orientation Marriages.
Transcending Boundaries: Introduction to Mixed Orientation Marriages by Mark Rheault - Good description of basics of making a mixed-orientation marriage work, with links to resources
Positive stories about mixed orientation marriages:
- Top Five Questions Asked About Being a Bisexual Minister by Rev. Dr. Janet Edwards
- The Advocate (my perspective): A bisexual mom comes out by Mary Joslin May 25, 2004
- Ochs, R., and Rowley, S. (2009). Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World, Second Edition. Chapter 6, Relationships, pp. 115 – 133. Bisexual Resource Center.
- Orndorff, K. (1999). Bi Lives: Bisexual Women Tell Their Stories. Sharp Press.
Research showing that stable, satisfactory mixed orientation marriages are possible:
- Brownfain, J. J. (1985). A study of the married bisexual male: Paradox and resolution. Journal of Homosexuality, 11(1/2), 173-188.
- Coleman, E. (1985). Integration of male bisexuality and marriage. Journal of Homosexuality, 11(1/2), 189-207.
- Edser, S. J., & Shea, J. D. (2002). An exploratory investigation of bisexual men in monogamous, heterosexual marriages. Journal of Bisexuality, 2, 7–43.
- Jordal, C. E. (2011). “Making it work”: A grounded theory of how mixed orientation married couples commit, sexually identify, and gender themselves (Doctoral dissertation).
- Matteson, D. (1985). Bisexual men in marriage: Is a positive homosexual identity and stable marriage possible? Journal of Homosexuality 11, nos. 1 and 2: 149-172
- Wolf, T. J. (1985). Marriages of bisexual men. Journal of Homosexuality, 11(1/2), 135-148.
- Gustavson, M. (2009). Bisexuals in relationships: Uncoupling intimacy from gender ontology. Journal of Bisexuality, 9(3-4), 407-429.Note: Research reviewed by Patrick RichardsFink, a bisexual activist, husband, father, student, and blogger in Central Minnesota.
REMINDER: Marriage Equality includes Bisexual/non-Monosexual People too
I just want to start by applauding your decision to shout at us right off the bat. “She was in the men’s room! Your daughter was in the men’s room! A girl in the men’s room!” For one thing, how else will we learn? For another, how else will we be covered in spittle? Plus, I think it’s good, if you see something unexpected, to proceed with violent certainty rather than with, say, wonder or even doubt. Like the time I found that slightly darker “O” in my bowl of Cheerios and freaked out because I knew for sure that it was a wheel from the landing gear of a miniature UFO that was going to abduct me and probe my anus; if it were cereal, it would look like the rest of the cereal. Likewise, if you see a doll with short hair, even if it’s lying next to a pair of scissors, you should think, “Ew. When did Ken’s boobs get so big?”
It made sense, too, to continue to insist that he was a girl, even after he calmly explained that he had been in the men’s room because he was a boy. (“It’s Ken! But Ken has boobs!”) And your distress over imagining that a preadolescent girl saw your man parts—”I was naked in there! She saw me naked!”—makes such an important point about the prevalence of peeping-Tommery in young girls, and the ways that middle-aged men are vulnerable to them.
To answer your question, “Are you its mom?” more unambiguously: Yes. But you’re smart to ask, because maybe the whole family is a transgendered house of mirrors and I’m really “its” dad! (Last laugh—i.e. my having it—alert!) Certainly, though, it made a lot of sense to imagine that I had colluded in the perversion of sending a girl into the men’s room because, after all, what parent doesn’t want their daughter to be in a tiled room full of urinating men?
In conclusion, thank you for your valuable input. I can only hope that my son will leave behind his girly days of placid confidence and grow into somebody as manly as you—with the kind of balls it takes to scream at a child in public.
If you like pansexual and use it, you don’t have to have a super deep political reason behind it
Maybe you just heard it and it generally captures your desire in a way bisexual hasn’t before or it has a specific connection to your specific lived experience or someone you looked up to and had a lot in common with in your local queer group used it and it just clicked and felt right for you and that’s why you use it
That is absolutely fine
I use bisexual in part because of all these social and political reasons, but also because I have an emotional investment in the word that I can’t really describe and shouldn’t have to either. That’s a piece of yourself you aren’t required to broadcast or justify to anyone
Just how some people have specific political and/or personal reasons why they like homo or homosexual or gay or lesbian or a reclaimed slur or what have you
It’s just when assumptions are made about certain words that already get a lot more crap than others, or that bisexual is forced to shoulder the blame as a word when, in reality, we all absorb responsibility for cissexism regardless of how we identify
And the assumption is that we should just shed bisexual as an “ignorant or lesser predecessor” to pansexual which will solve All Our Problems
That is what I have a problem with
Drag Dad is an independent documentary project about a six year old boy named Jeremiah and his father, the drag queen superstar, Tyra Sanchez.
This documentary will help shed light on gay parenting and break prejudices against LGBT families! But it will not be possible without your help. Please offer you support by sharing this link, reblogging, and donating here
What Gay Guys Think About Vaginas. I was prepared to be annoyed but this is delightful.
YOU ARE NOT BLACK WOMEN
STOP SAYING YOU HAVE AN INNER BLACK WOMAN
THAT SHIT AINT CUTE
THE IDENTITIES OF BLACK WOMEN ARE NOT YOUR FUCKING COSTUMES
THEY ARE NOT THE BUTTS OF YOUR JOKES
Someone needs to hit these fuckers in the head, and tell them their inner white cop did it.